I have been working for just over two years on my personal process. During this time I have re-established the daily habit of meditation and progressed through various initiations in the Vajrayana path. Earlier in life I practiced Karma Kagyu and was introduced to Tendai. Now in the Mahajrya tradition I am exploring the tantric life more directly than ever before. I have gone through initiation in and study of the minor elemental mantras, the kuji-in and the siddhi. The biggest tool I have found had been the process of emotional integration. It is amazing how free and clear you can live life after stripping away the layers of pure crap that you have layered over your senses and psyche.
Three weeks ago I progressed to the point of ordination as an accomplished priest. It is funny but I have been asked by family and friends several times “Do you feel any different?” or Do you feel any more Holy?” or “Do you feel empowered now?” The universal answer to all these questions is no. I don’t know what one is supposed to “feel” after the ordination ceremony but It is not like a graduation. Nothing is ‘finished’ or done. The process goes on and there is much work to do. I feel like it is more a recognition of where I am at in the moment. Other than that there is no special handshake I know now that lets me in on any deep secrets. That is part of the process that got me here. (Not the handshake. I mean studying the deeper secrets). I just look forward to progress and clarity every day.